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How To Get Your Girlfriend To Open Up About Her Sexual Fantasies

​Here's the thing...

Although it may seem like a distraction to those who love nothing more than a bit of “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” between the sheets, it is a fact that playing out your deepest sexual fantasies is often a lot more erotic than simply “making the beast with two backs” time and time again.

The deeper realm of your sexual imagination is the place where your kinkiest and most depraved desires hide away, a shadowy domain which – if you were to enter it – would allow you to achieve a degree of sexual satisfaction that might literally blow your socks off.

Of course, you as a man of the world know all about this.

What’s more, you’ll also know that there is only one thing more sexually fulfilling than acting out your own sordid erotic fantasies and that is...getting your girl to act out hers.

Without doubt, seeing your lady purr, writhe and scream in genuine pleasure (not the other kind), watching her completely lose control of her inhibitions and turn into a sexually liberated vampress-come-banshee is not only a massive turn-on, it is also a huge boost for your ego:

“Yeah baby; I made that happen”.

So how do you get to this sexual Utopia?

How can you get your girlfriend to share her deepest, most intimate sexual fantasies with you?

Well, opting for one of the following three strategies is likely to be a definite step in the right direction...

1. Preach open-mindedness from the beginning

This nugget of advice is for all the guys out there who have just met a girl and are on the cusp of getting-jiggy-like-piggies.

If you are fortunate enough to be in this position then make sure, on the very first discussion you have with your girlfriend about sex, you let her know in no uncertain terms that you consider yourself to be a very open-minded guy in the bedroom (and elsewhere). Be sure to tell her that you are someone who absolutely loves breaking new ground and trying new things.

While you’re preaching from the sexual pulpit, make sure you include the magic line:

“Believe me, I am willing to try ANYTHING once...”

 As well as reinforcing your own credentials as a guy who is willing to go above and beyond to achieve a greater degree of pleasure, it will subconsciously give her the licence to share things with you that perhaps she has found difficult to confide in others.

The simple fact is, women are far more likely to open up with a guy they know is open-minded so, if you get this base covered from the beginning, you will significantly increase your chances of gaining access to the Promised Land.

2. Take the pressure off and share your fantasies first

If you’ve been in a relationship with your girl for a little while then bringing up the subject of sexual fantasies can be a little intimidating. However, the female psyche is such that girls very rarely volunteer information of this kind first so chances are it will be down to you to ‘get the ball rolling’ (that’s a term, not a kinky ice-breaker).

Understandably, this may seem like a slightly unsettling proposition from the outset. However, there are ways of going about this that are likely to yield more favorable results than others.

For example, if you decide to say,​ “Look, I want you to put a pony tail up my arsehole, call me Shergar and ride me around like it’s Grand National Day...” while you’re sitting on the sofa watching X Factor, chances are your girlfriend will feel shocked and surprised rather than curious and turned-on.

The trick here is not to bite the bullet and admit all of your deepest desires in one foul swoop; you’re not saying “I love you“ just so that she will say “I love you“ in return.

You need to slow things right down, make sure there are no distractions around and just talk like adults. A good way to go with this is to pick a weekend evening at home (a DVD and a take-away night is ideal) when you’re both nice and relaxed on the sofa, preferably in the midst of a bit of cozy time.

Here are a couple of ways to approach this:​

While hugging your girl, tell her that you wish you could “...Indulge each other more in the bedroom...”

Tell her that the idea of “...Giving you as much pleasure as you give me...” (a bona fide winner, that one) has become high on your list of sexual priorities.

She WILL agree with this, so that is the time when you introduce the idea of opening up about fantasies. If she is at all reticent then you say, “...Look, I’ll go first...” and then you kick things off with a suggestion that is intimate, untried and yet not overly kinky (dressing up/role play is a pretty safe opening gambit).

Once she agrees to this you can simply say, “Great...and what can I do for you..?, and by the rules of the Geneva Convention she will be obliged to lower the drawbridge to her kinky palace and let you in for peek.

If all goes well, this will start a snowball effect that will lead you to develop a greater sexual intimacy with each other, a consequence which will empower the both of you to feel comfortable enough to share your deeper desires with each other as you progress.

3. Get drunk and initiate a party game of the ‘adult’ kind

Sometimes a little nudge from an alcoholic beverage is what you need to open up

If you and your girlfriend don’t feel comfortable sharing such high degrees of sexual intimacy, or perhaps feel compelled to collapse into fits of hysterics whenever the subject of fantasies comes up then simply adopt the tried and tested strategy that has been getting kinky Brits laid for years: get shitted and play a ‘Truth or Dare’-type game.

This is arguably the most effective strategy (as long as your girl likes booze) as it is pretty much guaranteed to deliver some highly rewarding results. Without doubt, the reply you’ll get from your girlfriend when you ask to share her deepest erotic fantasy (her ‘Truth’) after she’s necked half a dozen shots and a few pints of lager is likely to be a lot more candid than the one you’d normally get.

The only downside to this is that you probably won’t remember much about it in the morning - unless of course your girlfriend’s fantasy involves making a sex tape; but we’ll leave that topic for another time...

EDIT: A reader recommended MojoUpgrade, which is an awesome online questionnaire you can do with your partner to discover fantasies you might enjoy.  Check it out :)

About the author

Bo Heamyan

Away from writing, Bo enjoys playing football, reading spy fiction and watching moody Scandinavian cop dramas. Before becoming a father, he used to spend most summers working in holiday resorts and every winter backpacking around foreign climes. When not changing nappies or singing nursery rhymes, Bo likes hiking, working out, and exploring the lovely wide open spaces around his home in Lincolnshire, UK.

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  • William Morrissey

    So many girls are told to grip a guy tight as they can when doing oral. It’s
    so funny. Obviously everyone likes different things… but my first girlfriend
    grabbed me so tight the first time we fooled around that I couldn’t imagine why
    she would think I would like that. Luckily, I gracefully suggested a lighter
    touch and she adjusted and that led to us discussing what we each liked,
    throughout our relationship. She later explained that her friends had told her
    that guys love a hard grip. We laughed about it together for years. The moral
    is, I guess, to realize that we are all different and that talking about it
    together and exploring together is the best solution. On another note – DO NOT
    listen to your girlfriends, it’s better if you ask your guy, or, if he doesn’t
    want to hurt your feelings, then just read Jack’s BJ guide if you want a real
    guy’s opinion. (It changed our relationship completely.)